Hitting an Intimacy Wall

Hitting the intimacy wall is an opportunity for you to stop your old thinking and work through the issues preventing you from enjoying your sex life.


In every medical journal I read it’s mentioned—the importance of sex to one’s overall health. Whether you have a chronic illness, are caring for others or are aging and no longer care about sex, your body does.

Healthy sex buffers moods, stress and tension, as well as improving cardiovascular fitness. As we grow older our bodies provide less estrogen and testosterone, and blood flow is reduced leading to less sensitivity and a decreased ability to become aroused. Men may suffer erectile dysfunction and women may experience vaginal dryness, and both can have decreased libido.

Although you might be thinking that aging means having to give up interest in sex, it doesn’t. Begin to think of your sex life much the same as your eyesight. You would think it ludicrous to stop reading because you can’t see as well, right? Of course, you’d go to your physician and get glasses or medications to improve your sight. The biggest problem with sexual issues is asking for help from your doctor, as well as talking to your partner about it. If it’s been a while since you’ve talked to your partner or your doctor about your sex life, it’s time to start.

Breaking the ice at your doctor’s office and bringing up the topic of sex can begin with one complaint. During perimenopause vaginal dryness becomes more problematic. If vaginal lubrication is a problem, talk to your doctor about a lubricant.

My clients often ask my recommendation on what products work best. My favorites are Replens (Church & Dwight Co., Inc.) and a product called Unicorn Spit (Trigg Laboratories, Inc.)—the name alone will leave you feeling curious and intrigued.

There are many supplements on the market that claim to boost your sex life, well-being and attitude, but one of my favorite products is called Stronvivo (Abbey Research Ltd.). It works to improve the health of the endothelium, improves circulation, boosts energy and supports healthy hormone levels in women and men.

Society’s openness for men to talk about their body parts has helped with more than 100 medications for men who struggle with erectile dysfunction as well as other sexual concerns. Combine women’s lack of comfort with their bodies and society’s dismissiveness of the importance of women’s sexual health and you begin to understand why it has been so difficult to help women who struggle with low libido.

Launched in April 2015 Addyi (Valeant Pharmaceuticals International, Inc.) is used to treat low sexual desire. It is physician-prescribed and has criteria that must be met by potential patients, but you won’t know if you’re eligible if you don’t talk to your doctor.

Hitting the intimacy wall is an opportunity for you to stop your old thinking and work through the issues preventing you from enjoying your sex life. Couples have sex well into their 70s, 80s and beyond, and you can, too. Try something new, and be open with what you’re feeling to enjoy your sex life throughout your life—no matter what you struggle with.

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