No Headache Tonight

The classic “not tonight honey, I’ve got a headache” is an excuse we’re all too familiar with. For many couples, it could be they’re simply uninspired. As bad as that may sound, sex with the same person, in the same place, at the same time, grows old.

A study by the “International Journal of Sexual Health” indicated that women have three major reasons they don’t have sex with their partner: They’re bored, they don’t like their body, and they wonder if the bang is worth the effort they put into sex (they’re physically tired).

Creating a new mood for sex in your relationship that’s fun, inspiring and something you look forward to, instead of dreading, is not that difficult to do and the rewards far outweigh the time you invest.

Not in the Mood?

If you’re not in the mood for sex one night then schedule it for another. Make it fun, put it on your calendar and send a sex reminder the day of your scheduled sex appointment. Set the mood, draw a bath full of bubbles, have Champagne, romantic music and follow through. Women who feel as though they have control of scheduling time for themselves feel more sexual and confident in the bedroom. Focus on the sweet things your partner does for you. Those little acts of love help soften a bad mood.


Go sex toy shopping, and if you’re too embarrassed to go with your partner go with friends. Make it a date. Try new things…inspiration comes with novelty. Read sexy love stories together or alone; my personal favorite is “The Siren” by Tiffany Reisz. Try things you’ve never tried: eat in bed and feed each other small bites, watch movies you both enjoy that offer erotica and a love story, give blindfolded massages to help you find your mojo and listen to a romantic/sexy series on audio while lying in each other’s arms.

If your partner has to travel for their work, try phone sex. Taking romance out of the bedroom and sharing it throughout the day keeps you sexually, as well as intimately, connected. A sweet sexy text, a small surprise gift, or a love note keeps your partner on your mind all day.

Your Partner is Boring?

If you’ve been together longer than three years it’s going to be boring sometimes unless you continually seek ways to try something new. New positions change everything and there are numerous books offering a daily position for couples who struggle with back pain or chronic illness that may limit their enjoyment—pain should never be a reason to stop enjoying intimacy and sex in your relationship.

Try taking a class together. Learning something new is fun and it helps you see a new side of your partner. Role-play with your partner (68 percent of all men enjoy role play…let them take the lead part). Boring happens when couples stop playing and laughing together.

You Don’t Like Your Body?

Unfortunately body dislike affects the majority of women. Aging and childbirth are two reasons women cite for the negative changes in their bodies. However, their partners rarely agree and continue to see their partners as sexy and attractive. Dimming the lights, closing your eyes and feeling his touch can help distract you from your negative thoughts, or a bubble bath can help you feel safe and modestly revealed.

It’s important that women find ways to help themselves feel more comfortable with their bodies. Using your negative body image as an excuse to avoid sexual relations with your partner hurts both of you. Intimacy, not sex, is the glue to a great relationship, however—sex is the closest intimacy a couple can share. Begin your year with a new attitude about sex. Focus on making it a fun experience instead of another task to complete. The experience will be something you look forward to instead of dread.

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